Thursday, August 03, 2006

AkS's Strange Alter Ego

Just so you all know, this was AkS's first entry to this blog, in the form of an inane comment:

Alien Panda said... Mere human, you are no match for me. Once I have finished traversing the globe and arrive at your pitiful planet, rest assured that I shall have no mercy on your decrepit soul and you will enter an abyss of eternal torture.

Measly human all this shall happen for I am the holder of a Ten Quaids (as us Pandas call it, Rupees is soooo last year, darling).

Apparently AkS sometimes moonlights as a camp extra terrestrial panda who wanders around the planet with ten rupees. Moreover AkS, you cannot "traverse" the Globe, and then "arrive" at the Planet. You had already arrived at the Planet once you began traversing it.

I should inform you guys that after leaving this great message, he texted me and proceeded to tell me that someone had "said some shit" on the blog. This was said as though the "shit" in question was of a serious (phadda) type nature, and I was going to get my ass kicked. Three seconds later when I called him out on his stupid plot, he then proceeded to giggle insanely for a solid five minutes. He then sheepishly confessed and tried to deny that he was really weird.

Even more interestingly, AkS had mentioned that he had created a blog in order to post the original comment. I then accessed his dormant blog via his profile. The name AkS chose for his great first endeavor was "Alien Panda and the Bicycle Mistress". In all probability God alone knows why because I'm fairly certain AkS doesn't know. The page begins with a picture of a somewhat rabid looking panda, holding an
ice cream cone in one hand and a self glorifying red spotlight in the other. There is then one solitary post which says:

Pandas 2017-
Here me all ye human, your world is doomed; we the Pandas of Zerbicron 7, are on our way to liberate our brethren. And here I don't eman those dumbass earthy pandas that do nothing and eat bamboo, fools are to lazy to have sex; by my brethren i mean the Kangaroos. You have subjugated them for far too long earthlings, be prepared for your evetual demise!

I think we were all aware that AkS was somewhat enigmatic. But these recent ramblings about kangaroos have added a new dimension to our understanding of what remains of AkS's mind post alcohol abuse. To understand AkS, it seems we must explore his obsession with Pandas, Kangaroos, and Marco Polo Sheep.
None of us were ever informed of this blog. Hence the reason this is particularly fascinating; because AkS is talking to himself and no one else. It is a snapshot of his true self. Endearing as it might be, I think AkS must cede that this is definitive evidence that he, is a complete and utter choot.

2 comments:

naqiya said...

i like AkS and his obsessions with strange and exotic animals. I should have known...He was considering buying a pink polo, plus he knows not to spend money at Amir Adnan's becuase "you can get better embroidery at Kehkashan market" (that would be a direct AKS qoute)... I always thought it was his metro-ness...but maybe it was something much weirder...like beastiality...hmmmm...

AB said...

what in craps name is going on here. aks, aka, IK, what rubbish do you speak of? NB, why do you have so much to say about the rubbish? haw hai.