Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Mindless Medieval Assholes (or, at the very least, their kin)

Hilarious column by Irfan Hussain, the best of which is reproduced below for your reading pleasure.
While on the subject of fundos, let me share a recent news item that caught my eye. According to a newspaper’s Peshawar correspondent, Maulana Fazlullah has recently advised his FM radio audience not to allow their children to be immunised against polio. Also known as Maulana Radio, he is the son-in-law of Maulana Sufi Mohammad, the head of the Tehrik Nifaz-e-Shariat Mohammadi (TNSM), the outfit that ran the madrassah in Bajaur that was recently flattened by a missile strike. Clearly a man of great stamina, Maulana Radio holds forth for three hours every evening on FM. His reason for this boycott of immunisation teams is blindingly simple. This is how the story quotes him:

“According to Islam and Shariah, people should just stay away from areas which are hit by contagious disease. It is not right to look for a cure before falling ill with a disease.”

Clearly, this should provide consolation to children struck down by polio, as well as to their parents. And I can imagine medical researchers smacking their foreheads when they learn of Maulana Radio’s approach, and exclaiming: “Drat! Now why didn’t I think of that?” But there’s more. The report goes on to quote a regular listener of the programme that, according to Maulana Radio, immunisation shots were a ‘conspiracy by Christians and Jews to make Muslims impotent and stunt the growth of Muslims.’

The maulana also often rails against education for women, and says they should stay at home. And while he uses the radio to great effect, he disapproves very strongly of TV. According to another listener: “The maulana also preaches that if somebody smashes one TV set, his reward would be equivalent to killing two Jews.” Good to know what the going rate for murdering Jews is.

Two Jews! Come on, man, there's no way in hell TV is that bad. I think the converstion rate should be: 2 TVs smashed = 1 Jew killed + 3 women kept home from school + 1 KFC torched. I definitely think that's fairer, though of course with these things, prices are always negotiable.

2 comments:

"Daily Show" recruitment commitee said...

Dear Mr. Butt,
As per your incessant emails asking us to monitor your blog in order to guage your eligbilty for a spot on our show, we are sorry to inform you that we will not be considering you any further for an anchor position.
While your political acumen is no doubt impressive, your humorous anecdotes and jibes leave a lot to be desired.
Case in point: your last few lines in the present blog. It is never funny to piggy-back on someone elses joke. Ms. Hussein was the originator of the sarcastic comment and all you have done is elongate it by a few sentences.
This kind of unoriginality and humor plagiarism in not tolerated on our show.
Please cease and desist your emails as you are clearly not "the Pakistani Jon Stewart" you claim to be. Neither is your blog "like the Daily Show".
Thank you for your interest.
Sincerely,
James Pritchard
Comedy Central Human
Resources Dept.

Ahsan said...

now THAT'S a funny comment. congratulations farooq, your first genuinely humorous moment on this blog, after many many attempts. seriously, was laughing out loud.