Monday, November 12, 2007

"There is no Martial Law" - PTV

Pakistan Television appears to have caught up with time and commissoned a series of 'hard-hitting' talk shows, no doubt as a result of the public's addiction to dramatic, and orchestrated, talk shows (thank you GEO - put a crackpot Mullah (or Imran Khan ) together with Asma Jilani and watch the fireworks).

So here we have PTV's version -

Cast

Host: A young man or woman - good looking in a very typical pakistani way e.g. a chubby fair and lovely model (& no NB i'm not being jealous OK!)

Guest 1: Establishment type - An old face who, many believe, was born a Senator, no set agenda just a voice box of whoever's in power e.g. Wasim Sajjad.

Guest 2: A firebrand Politician - And by firebrand I mean retarded; a member of the ruling party (PTV's subliminal message of the day appears to be: Opposition to the Great Leader is Zionist Propoganda) e.g. Dr. Sher Afghan Khan (true story: a resolution was proposed, a while back, by an opposition politician, demanding the removal of Dr. Sher Afghan, owing to his unstable mental condition!)

Guest 3: A fresh voice, of the youth - Of course a fresh youth hear means a 35 year old buraucrat, with really bad hair and disturbingly right wing views - not as in 'I like Taliban' but more 'I hate India' and 'Freedom of Expression is the biggest threat to national security.'

An excerpt from the Heated Discussion runs like this:

Guest No.1 - "Musharraf is the best because he is a 'bold leader'" (you hear this a lot);

Guest No.2 - "No Musharraf is the best-est because he has led us closer to 'true democracy'"

Guest No.3 - "No Musharraf is the best-est-est because he is a 'true Pakistani'"

Host - "No Musharraf is the best-est-est-est because he has a large cock and rode me like a stallion last night."

Ok so the last bit may be a lie - what the host actually said was that there is no Martial Law in Pakistan. The Court Martial of civilians, fucking civilans man, are neccessary for the security of the country (mulk ki salamati); oh and who are these traitors of the motherland, so far charged with treason:

Mr. Javed Hashmi (PML-N)

Leaders of the National Party - the National Party is a leftist party in Baluchistan that heads the Baluchistan National Movement; it fielded 7 candidates in the last elections (all charged with treason) and received 0.35% of the total votes. (Source)

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At this point the program ends and is followed by In -credible- dia (there's meant to be a line cutting through 'credible'). The show is hosted by a clone of the talk show host and has a guest who is a clone of Guest No.3. The only purpose of this show is to sling as much mud on India as possible. Oh and the tag line is derived from the slogan 'Incredible India' which is used by India's tourism department in its promotional campaign. This show is unbelievable petty and also terribly scary; it is well produced and far apart from the normal PTV propoganda and echos North Korean styled social engineering.

5 comments:

Ahsan said...

hahahahah great post kabir. man, i'm getting all these 90s flashbacks.

what's with the india hate though? if it's our government's stated policy to make peace with india, shouldn't PTV respect that change? somehow i imagine the guy in charge of PTV is this crusty old dude who's been there since 1958, who sits in the dark and has no idea of what decade we're in and which government is in power or what their policies are. he has one go-to set which he tells his people to put on tv:

1. anti-india propaganda
2. noor jehan
3. some dusty-ass cricket match highlights
4. "news"
5. repeat

it's their formula, and they're sticking to it! ahhahahahaha they're LOVING this - people are finally watching them again.

NB said...

I have to say Kabir, I thoroughly enjoyed that post.

{CPM - copy paste material} said...

the best part possible - on november 3rd in-credible-dia ran a report on decreasing press freedom in india.

i neraly died laughing when i saw that.

it was pure pure joy

M Umar said...

Hello:

I was actually the host of Incredible India on PTV News. Believe it or not, I had to fight the government to let me on and do this show. In the end it ended because I lost a battle with the National Assembly and it was the I&B Minister who shut me down.

If you believe in Democracy like I do, you would agree that I was censored by the government for portraying the real India.

Anyways, I enjoyed your blog and wanted to commment.

M Umar said...

Hello:

I was actually the host of Incredible India on PTV News. Believe it or not, I had to fight the government to let me on and do this show. In the end it ended because I lost a battle with the National Assembly and it was the I&B Minister who shut me down.

If you believe in Democracy like I do, you would agree that I was censored by the government for portraying the real India.

Anyways, I enjoyed your blog and wanted to commment.