The Americans seem intent on winning the hearts and minds of the Pakistani people and here is how they plan on doing it. First, they will take away the passport of Maulana Abdul Sattar Edhi, a valid green card holder, and detain him for a month in order to question him on his travel habits. They will release him but only to detain him again at JFK as he's leaving the U.S.. They will interrogate him for eight hours about his fucking appearance, confiscate his passport and green card, and deport him.
Bravo America, you've discovered that the way to enter the hearts of the Pakistani people is through the humiliation of their most respected citizen. Now what is it that you could do to make this even sweeter?
I know, how about you open up your asses to welcome Imran Khan? I know the Bush administration and Imran Khan are hesitant to speak with each other but there's nothing to worry about. This modern day Zeus will find more asses on Capitol Hill willing to listen to his filth, such is their anxiety to appear relevant. Our great leader (he won the friggin world cup, what more do you want!) will so impress the members of Congress with his mullet, that immediately after meeting Imran Khan, the Senate Majority Leader will ask the Bush Administration to suspend aid to Pakistan if the elections are rigged. How wonderful, I'm so delighted to see that Imran Khan has become a trusted Pakistani spokesperson. I've always been certain that Imran's (in)ability to win seats in the upcoming elections is the best indicator of the polls being rigged!
None of this comes as a surprise to me as I know that Imran Khan is the messiah who will save our parched land. For he is the purveyor of freedom who wasn't afraid to oppose action against the benign clerics of Lal Masjid; the bastion of democracy who managed to defy the odds and get elected as MNA from his ancestral town of Mianwali where his family are lowly land lords; the face of a new, enlightened and moderate Pakistan who cozies up to decent, moderate and enlightened forces of the Taliban supporting tribal elders of the N.W.F.P.; the champion of human rights who commands the podium at LUMS and spews much needed racist slur.
Doesn't this all make you a little teary eyed? I'm already welling up. Though the painful experience of pulling all my hair out may have something to do with that, I'm not sure.
And is it just me who thinks that Imran Khan is being groomed as the new Ahmed Challabi? Now that experience went well.