Tuesday, January 29, 2008

U.S. begins Operation Innane: Deports Edhi, Sucks up to Imran Khan.

The Americans seem intent on winning the hearts and minds of the Pakistani people and here is how they plan on doing it. First, they will take away the passport of Maulana Abdul Sattar Edhi, a valid green card holder, and detain him for a month in order to question him on his travel habits. They will release him but only to detain him again at JFK as he's leaving the U.S.. They will interrogate him for eight hours about his fucking appearance, confiscate his passport and green card, and deport him.

Bravo America, you've discovered that the way to enter the hearts of the Pakistani people is through the humiliation of their most respected citizen. Now what is it that you could do to make this even sweeter?

I know, how about you open up your asses to welcome Imran Khan? I know the Bush administration and Imran Khan are hesitant to speak with each other but there's nothing to worry about. This modern day Zeus will find more asses on Capitol Hill willing to listen to his filth, such is their anxiety to appear relevant. Our great leader (he won the friggin world cup, what more do you want!) will so impress the members of Congress with his mullet, that immediately after meeting Imran Khan, the Senate Majority Leader will ask the Bush Administration to suspend aid to Pakistan if the elections are rigged. How wonderful, I'm so delighted to see that Imran Khan has become a trusted Pakistani spokesperson. I've always been certain that Imran's (in)ability to win seats in the upcoming elections is the best indicator of the polls being rigged!

None of this comes as a surprise to me as I know that Imran Khan is the messiah who will save our parched land. For he is the
purveyor of freedom who wasn't afraid to oppose action against the benign clerics of Lal Masjid; the bastion of democracy who managed to defy the odds and get elected as MNA from his ancestral town of Mianwali where his family are lowly land lords; the face of a new, enlightened and moderate Pakistan who cozies up to decent, moderate and enlightened forces of the Taliban supporting tribal elders of the N.W.F.P.; the champion of human rights who commands the podium at LUMS and spews much needed racist slur.

Doesn't this all make you a little teary eyed? I'm already welling up. Though the painful experience of pulling all my hair out may have something to do with that, I'm not sure.

And is it just me who thinks that Imran Khan is being groomed as the new
Ahmed Challabi? Now that experience went well.


NB said...

Two points AKS.

Firstly you have lambasted Imran Khan. Prepare to have Pakistani expats decend down your throat in righteous, reality-divorced fury.

Secondly you tool, you have gone and created a new category called "Imran Khan is an Ass". Now while this may be funny, it is a little problematic, unless you perhaps want to blog about Imran Khan's ass-facedness every day. I certainly dont. Plus, now in the interest of fairness, I am compelled to create a 'Nawaz Sharif is a Choot' category, and a 'Benazir was really not all that' category and a 'Someone please shoot Wasi Zafar' category.

AKS said...

NB the truth needs to get out. Imran Khan is the biggest problem facing Pakistan! He really is.

Sorry about the labelling fiasco. Thought it was funny but didn't realise that tagging the post would result in a new lablel category forming. I'm going to edit the post and remove that label to see if it helps.

Wasi Zafar has not been heard from in a while, to top it off he's been dropped by the PML(Q) from their list of candidates. Ouch.

AKS said...

NB it seems to have worked. Its a shame, the Imran Khan is an Ass category was really inspiring me.

Ahsan said...

to be fair, i think we have to consider the fact that when you're functionally retarded, as the authorities at JFK are, it's hard to distinguish between terrorists and welfare workers who've helped millions of people.

NB said...

Oh if it works, then by all means leave the 'Imran Khan is an Ass' category. We can always remove it later, or who knows, even add to it. Actually, im pretty positive we can add to it.

afrasiyab said...

"NB the truth needs to get out. Imran Khan is the biggest problem facing Pakistan! He really is."

Really?!? I understand that he has a propensity to commit mistakes, political as well as personal, but do they really qualify him as the biggest problem Pakistan is facing today.

NB said...

Haha, Afrasiyab, even I cant be sure, but what you pointed out is a classic AKS thing, whereby he means one thing, but is driven by annoyance and frustration to exponentially overstate his case to the point where he sounds mad. He does this knowingly of course, because AKS is weird and finds this cathartic (and also because me and Ahsan find it funny).

Suffice it to say you are entirely correct that Imran Khan is not the biggest problem facing Pakistan today. The biggest problem facing Pakistan is in fact Arif Lohar.

AKS said...

@Afrasiyab - I think NB's clarified my position here. I like getting carried away.

Having said that I do think that Imran Khan and his increase in power is a scary prospect but I don’t think it’s just him that’s the problem but what he represents – American Bashers / Taliban ‘Understanders’ (their usual retort about Taliban atrocities – “American created them or “its all a political game” very rarely would they say “its fucking wrong!”) They create a political room in which an even more oppressive ideology flourishes.

Moreover they have quietly become the representatives of ideological change however this change is only superficial and in fact hinders any actual ideological progress.

It’s the same old traditional, oppressive ideology dressed up in a fine silk suit.

Arif Lohar said...

I take umbrage to your sarcastic reference to me.

I will be back.

NB said...

Im counting on it Lohar. One day you will pay for your henious crimes.

Javed Miandad said...

What "racist slur" did Imran Khan spew?