So I was taking a study-break this afternoon when a couple of friends pointed me to the website of a Mr. Tucker Max, which begins with the following introduction:
My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole.
I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead.
But, I do contribute to humanity in one very important way. I share my adventures with the world. They are known as:
The Tucker Max Stories
Appreciating the temporary escape from the likes of Doyle, Moravcsik, and Simmons, I actually laughed at a couple of his tales, all involving sexual escapades of some sort. It only took me a while, however, to begin feeling disgusted. If these stories are true - and I am agnostic insofar as casting a verdict on their veracity is concerned - then this guy isn't kidding: he really is an asshole. For instance, check this out:
10:20: We station ourselves in the kitchen. A fat girl walks in. It's game time. "Well, say goodbye to all the leftovers."
10:21: Apparently, this fatty seems to think she can hang. The Medina Division made better tactical decisions:
Fatty "What did you say?"
Tucker "Can you not hear me? Are your ears fat too?"
Fatty [Look of astonishment, stares at my friends cracking up] "EXCUSE ME?"
Tucker "I'm sorry. Really I am. [I open the fridge] Would you like cheesecake or chocolate cake? Probably both, I'm guessing."
Fatty [Turns and leaves in utter astonishment]
Tucker "Hey Sara Lee, I was only kidding! COME BACK HERE--MY FRIEND LIKES TO GO HOGGIN. MORE CUSHION FOR THE PUSHIN! IT'S LIKE RIDING A MOPED!!"
Tucker has arrived.
There are three things to note here. First, this guy is an absolute prick. Second, he seems to take a certain amount of pride in his words and actions, a pride that is awfully bewildering to me. Third - and here's the kicker - he's successful, only for being an asshole. His book is in Amazon's top 200 for crying out loud.
I don't begrudge most people their success - even Paris Hilton is completely legit in my book - but this is ridiculous. He, like Ann Coulter, is feeding off of a persona that the average person detests and yet - as the numbers suggest - is irrevocably drawn to. The analogy of having to stare at a car wreck or a dog with a broken leg is fitting I think.
I don't really say this about anyone - even my worst enemies - but I really do hope this guy dies a slow and painful death, very soon. Read some of his stories if you think I'm being over the top.