Monday, May 26, 2008

The Best Thing About Cricket Clips On YouTube

Since this is apparently cursing week on Rs. 5, I thought I'd bring up something I've long been fascinated with: the comments on cricket videos on YouTube. Browsing these comments is a guilty pleasure of mine, mainly because the insults/stereotypes/hate speech flies thick and fast in all directions. The best place to go is anything featuring either a Pakistani cricketer or an Indian cricketer. If you find a clip from a Pakistan-India match, then you've hit the jackpot, my friend. Particularly enjoyable are (a) the terrorist references, (b) the nuclear war references, and (c) the cow piss references. Let's do a bit of browsing, shall we?

Here's Waqar nailing Phil Tufnell on the toe back in 1992 (the halcyon days).

And here are some of the comments:

trekkie1981 asks politely: " can an indian bastard do this? no"

mbain85 helpfully replies: " no u fukin terrorist but we can fukin nuke ur ass"

SaeedE has a rejoinder: "we'll nuke you first"

Enjoythisandstfu pipes in: " proud to be a terrorist, now go fuck ur mom like a redneck u r"

Ah, good times. Next we move on to Afridi's 100 off 45 a couple of years ago.

This particular copy of the highlights doesn't have too many comments, but it does have this doozy from mysticspear: " rape man total rape for all u pussy hindus PROUD TO BE A PAKISTANI".

Anyways. Always guaranteed to get emotions riled up are videos featuring the indomitable Sachin Tendulkar and the mercurial Shoaib Akhtar. Here's a video from (ugh) the World Cup in 2003.

A lively discussion ensues:

supermanpaki informs us: " you dont have any prophets. you have cows. elephants, snake, rats and biggest god is monkey whose shitt you all eat."

codespeed is quick with his response: " supermanpaki,,,atleast our prophets were not paedophiles...aisha was the name right? you know about it better."

A few comments later, boyantamnevalfredo23 joins in: "supermanpaki you are a loser, consumed by hate. Go ahead and vent against us. Makes you feel good, eh? One day you will find something positive to feel good about Pakistan too: things like nice colleges, software parks, solid democratic system, growing economy."

zyadkhan dutifully steps in: "Hey fuck you why are you telling our superman from pakistan what he can say and what he cant he has figures ad i can approve that they right... i mean come on tell me indians dont burn woman for not paying dowry... hindu drink cow piss and even eat cow shit that true and what your indian friend mentioned above is not true because in military we are better... and in software you have american companies using your cheap asses how are you trying to look smart out of this?"

retaliationking tries to live up to his name: "Its strange you call us cheap cos america sets companies here. Thats the way economy grows brother. They set up companies where they know the companies will flourish due to the growth of the economy. If you are so uptight about westernisation, I hope u realise u guys too use western products in ur country. And as far as the military economy or GDP goes, u guys are hardly on the world scenario.Use some valid argument and dont make a fool of yourself."

ferrariformulaone joins the fray: "fucking pali bastards..assholes..atleast we have the skills on softwares to sell to USA..u bastards are fit for selling terrorism..cant u go to school u assholes??"

concessios707 replies with somewhat of a non-sequitur: " Send your sister,we will"

By the way, I should note that there were some comments on Sachin's innings itself, but I chose to gloss over them here.

Next we move on to easily the most difficult-to-watch video for any Pakistani anywhere: that's right, the Jadeja finish in Bangalore. I haven't actually seen this clip past the 0:03 mark (I simply cannot) but what I can do is go through the comments. As always they don't disappoint.

imrankh68 gets us started off: " somebody got lucky"

jayesh14 clears up imrankh68's confusion: "yes, your mother got lucky that night. While you watched this game, she was being fucked by a wild pig that she then served you guys in the name of beef."

imrankh68 thinks that jayesh14 has misrepresented that day's events: "Actually it was your mom who later got gang rapped by the entire Pakistan team.Later she was fucked by a bull who's piss you guys drank that morning"

bcthighs gives us a history lesson: "umm your a dumbfuck who doesnt know shit about war. go on wikipedia and look at india vs pak war history. we took east pakistan off the map (now bangladesh), we took back kargil and your pussy general surrendered to us. o yeah, india beat pakistan in the 1996, 1999, 2003 wc..u PORKISTANIS suck"

A pretty clean and constructive discussion then ensues between imrankh68 and joyindian on religious tolerance and the places of minorities in India and Pakistan. I will gloss over this because there are no insults thrown around.

A short while later, amantha03 has a suggestion for imrankh68: "Dear Imran, Please get off youtube and return to beating your four burqa wearing wives. Or maybe go molest some nine year olds like your pedophile, warlord prophet Muhammad. But then again, your religion does say you get 72 virgins in heaven if you kill in the name of Allah. Muhammad was sure an amazing hallucinator. He definitely had some serious mental issues."

imrankh68 has a reply ready and waiting: "Thank God our religion is not like your fucked up religion where you have to worship monkeys, cows, elephant etc. After that you guys go to the refrigerator and drink nice cold cow piss then go to your whorehouse ashram and get raped by your pundit."

We then get treated to one of my favorite types of comments: the comment where a commenter professes to be from somewhere when he/she clearly is not, just so their insult is assumed to carry more weight because it's coming from an unlikely source, even though it actually isn't. lmllml steps up to the plate: "Jadeja and Kumble raping pakistani cunts!! Great stuff and I am pakistani!!"

Two guys called TAUFEEQQQ and atoz711 then get into it. The highlights are below.

First TAUFEEQQQ (apparently an Indian Muslim) says "i will fuck ur mom up her ass. right now i am watching jadeja slaughtering waqar. fuck pakistan. i never go to stinking pakistan sites. its you who has come to the indian link to see ur ass getting fucked. fuck pakistan in the ass. allah decides when u die who has been a good or bad muslim not faggots like you. now get the fuck out of this site and go to ur shit paki sites. you pakis smell and are called pakis becuae of u smell."

atoz711 disagrees. Vehemently. "but i have already fucked ur mother and UR sister IT WAS FUN..WHEN UR SISTER WAS SCREAMING WHEN I PUT MY DICK IN HER PUSSY..u are a fucking bad ass..just by watching 1 inning from fucking jadeja..u are getting too exited...and fuck u. u cant tell me what do to..i can use any site i want and u know i will put ur SISTER'a naked pictures on this about that..FUCK U..AND U FUCKED UR OWN MOTHER NOT MINE. fucking double headed faggot..LOL..."

LOL indeed. Anyway, you get the picture. When I'm bored and have very little to do, I can honestly spend up to an hour just browsing comments. It's highly entertaining.

All this got me thinking though. Not that this is a particularly original thought, but MAN do people lose all sensibilities when there's anonymity involved. The internet basically gives freedom to the id and casts aside any inhibitions relating to the super-ego; it's as if societal norms simply don't apply if we know society cannot see us. As a first cut, this has profound implications for the nature/nurture debate; clearly nature-based instincts are constant (hate) and nurture-based instincts are context specific (not expressing hate in polite company; going ape-shit on YouTube).

Having browsed a bunch of comments in my time, I can also safely say it's always a few people, always the same people, who comment the most and flood the message board, making it seem like it's a widespread phenomenon when it's actually not. As usual, the most passionate among us drown out others' voices. This has other profound implications in everyday practice, from lobbying to crowd control at rallies and protests.

That's it from me for tonight.


zeyd said...

Hilarious. Dude, I do the same thing. In fact, I take it a step further: Often I'll be perusing some wildlife clips (I love animals and nature) and add a comment like this just to stir shit up:

''Hey that grey wolf is really beautiful. Would make an awesome fur coat.''

And then just sit back, return a week later, and lap up the abuse. It's good fun.

NB said...

Ahsan, I really truly hate you. Seriously.

Ahsan said...

Chill out dude. No firm is going to hire you or not hire on the basis of what they see here. Plus, it's not like *I* was cursing. I was merely citing *other people's* cursing. Not the same thing.

Rafay Alam said...

Fucking brilliant. If it weren't for the Blasphemy Law, I'd advise you to make a compilation - a "best of," if you will - and circulate it for the edification of the public.

Philistine said...

Hahaha... this has to be one of the funniest posts ever! Particularly heartening was the earnest tone in which zyadkhan cursed.

And Ahsan I am truly impressed by your ability to segue into an academic debate after all the incest- and anal-sex- related swearing.