That post, in all its filthy glory, set in motion a chain of events that to this day continues to shape the readership of Five Rupees. I will now proceed to explain why, running through the events chronologically.
The immediate object of curiosity for the majority of our readers was as to whom exactly was on the other end of that telephone number. Who were these individuals, that had so eagerly held themselves forward as “Poshida Sex Boyfriends” to Pakistan’s auntie elite? Moreover, how much did they charge? Did they have any clients? If so, in what city, and what types of people? Could breasts really be made more purkashish?
Five Rupees sought to answer these questions. Problematically, none of the authors wanted to use their own phone numbers to dial, because we’re all quite chicken. Female friends who were unawares of the dangers of calling strange men from their direct line were solicited, under the pretense that a girl had to call and that men were unwanted customers.
Five Rupees’ initial efforts met with no success. Fortunately however, our readers fully shared in our disturbing curiosity, and supported us with detailed analysis and advice. Suggested Anon 1027:
“one idea is to get a new prepaid SIM card and sms this person. if you can get someone else's NIC to obtain the connection that would be a bonus (considering everyone's drivers and the drivers' servant has a brokerage account at the KSE a SIM card should be a relatively straightforward process).
also, after a min of googling it seems 0344 is a telenor prefix and the first digit being a 4 means its from lahore. that kind of figures as lahore is rather well known for these "services" than Karachi (seems like the guy is looking to expand into new markets). if someone knows someone at telenor see what they can gather about the account. privacy laws be damned!!!"
The number was texted, and the email address relayed, but there was no response. Needless to say, we were all very disappointed that our khwaar team efforts had failed.
A Troubling Sort of Message Board
The matter was largely forgotten until a few months later, when a different reader, Anon 339, reported the following:
“Well i called in the number and a woman picked up the fone kept saying hello hello and a voice of a younger girl from behind asking something... i just said hello once as i didnt want to talk keun k bhai i am a boy and this was apparently for girls or ladies... and i m not good at mocking a lady's voice... so yeah this number works... it work at 7.30 pm PST. I am in germany tho so no problem with tracing.... its a pity really i cudnt talk. and guys where is this number from? cuz i heard k u can tell where this number belongs to karachi ya lahore?”
Thereafter, one by one, strange people looking to mate with aunties began arriving on Five Rupees. The post itself proceeded to morph into a message board for horny auntie seekers, and maybe even the occasional frisky aunty. I quote the following examples from the comments to the original post:
hi all aunties plz contact me at 0343-2584892 or 0343-2476069 for sex masaj n secret relations
Hello. All Aunties who have thrust for sex and like massage for long time can contact me . I have such a miracle in my hands you will feel the difference. I like
those aunties who are heavy by weight and looking beautiful from body.0345-5518368
hi i m waiting at 0343-2584892 or 0343-2476069 or open the link blow
If you scroll down to the bottom of this page, you will find a little link from Sitemeter which tells you the total number of hits Fiverupees has had since its inception in August 2006.
However the hit counter is not the only service that Sitemeter provides. It also tells us if anyone found our website via Google or other search engine, and what the search terms was that led the individual in question to our humble blog.
I have reproduced some of the search terms below, and divided them into several categories:
The Auntie Centric
pakistani sex provider aunties
FIND AUNTIES NUMBERS TELENOR
hot aunty of defnece karachi sex
indian aunties want secret relations with men
lahore aunties looking for guys
pakistani aunties with conatct numbers
aunty mobiles number karachi for sex
lady boy sex masaj
The Politically Annoyed:
sherry rehman the bitch
(this one led to the post titled 'Amin Fahim gets Bitch Slapped')
lahoe hot auntys pohen number
The Pathetically Plutonic and/or Sneakily Innocuous:
karachi women offer friendship with pakistan man
paki aunties looking for friends
The Business minded:
pakistani fucking woman on hirer
(Ironically, this post led to AKs' post titled "Never Hire a Woman in Pakistan (except as a PR Officer or Receptionist)")
The Completely Mental:
should i shoot someone who is raping my wife
i need any boy who need secrat sex in Karachi
The Strangely Specific:
only pakistani karachi hot aunties and sex call girls mobile numbers
womens,girls,aunties, seeking boys in Pakistan
karachi sea view saturday fucking
In relation to the final one (karachi sea view saturday fucking), Farooq raised the valid question as to why the fascination with copulating in Seaview? Ahsan however asked ‘why Saturday?’
Consequently, on the 10th of July, 2008 , all the contributors on this blog received the following email from Mr Mercy.
Subject: Fiverupees Admin Good After-noon
it was nice reading something new about the body massage where i got ur id as well,
i got a plan to visit lahore very soon will u please let me know your services remember that i'm not a girl and if you think u can help me please write me down ur charges in detail..
Presumably, by Mercy, he meant Merci. Notwithstanding the misspelling, I thought it was a classy touch. Regarding his email the following email conversation ensued:
Ahsan: Unbelievable. Unbelievable.
NB: my god. it worked. Why the hell did he email your gmail acc?
Ahsan: Becuase he thinks I'M the goddamn Lahori masseuse.
NB: hahah why? I wrote the post!
Ahsan: Dude, I don't know; all I know is I'm no whore. Can I also add that he cced Amjadia Nawaz? Check the original mail.
NB: Clearly the post must be revisited. Are we replying to Mr Mercy? Maybe we should charge him some exorbitant rates. See what he tries to negotiate down to.
Ahsan: Dude. He emailed my real address. I don't want to get dragged into this nonsense. We're no longer 17; we're in the real world, and we have reputations to defend. I think I'm just going to clarify things with him.
NB: serves you right for putting up your real address.
Ahsan: You raand. I hope you lose every level of Halo or Grand Theft Auto IV or whatever the hell you preoccupy your juvenile self with these days.