Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Pakistan's Perpetually Sick VIP Prisoners

Cricketing legend Ijaz Ahmed was arrested last month on charges of defrauding property dealers of US$130,000 by issuing fake cheques. Soon after the arrest, Mr. Ahmed was hospitalised “following a bout of asthma and breathing problems”.

Unfortunately for Mr. Ahmed his bail application has been rejected. According to Ijaj’s lawyer, “We had applied for bail on medical grounds as Ijaz was not feeling well, but the judge rejected our application.”

Mr. Ahmed, 40, is regarded by many as one of Pakistan’s finest and most stylish batsman . He is also the brother in law of the Right Honourable Saleem Malik, another unforgivable legend of the game.

I bet the judge presiding over this case is a kafir. No Muslim could be so cold hearted as to reject the plea of a Muslim brother who is so weak and meek that he has to spend his days employed as a fielding coach at the National Cricket Academy. If he wasn't so ill he would at least be an expert on Channel Five or Waqt.


In other news, Maverick Ferrari Shoaib Akhtar is back in the squad and ready to terrorize the Aussies. Can you think of a person more suited to be a contestant on a third rate British celeb-reality show
than Shubba? (Celebrity Love Island being the obvious first choice here.) In fact, now that I think about it I’m convinced that he’ll make an appearance on one of these crap shows in the next five years.


Anonymous said...

finest and most stylish? with that ass sticking out halfway to the boundary, i think not

karachi khatmal said...

there was a style to his batting - very distinctive whether you liked it or not. and he rocked that latter half of his career.

bubs said...

AKS: I really hope you're being sarcastic when you call Ijaz a legend and stylish. He was stylish only in the sense that he had a distinctive style, like say Murali's batting style. And the only thing he was legendary for was making a hundred to avoid being dropped.

Anonymous said...


Ijaz was definitely a legend.. But for being awesome in general not for his stylish batting..

Ahsan said...

I feel really bad for AKS that his sarcasm goes undetected even by longtime readers of the blog.

Anyways, no worries on the Shoaib front. He will get injured before the series starts, so it doesn't really matter that he was selected.

Tazeen said...

Five years !!!

I think Shoaib will join the celebrity love island in two years time and will emerge joint winner with Paris Hilton

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Sana said...

Shubba - hahaha, love it. AKS, did you come up with that?