Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The Greatest Endorsement Aunty Disco Project Is Likely To Receive...Ever

So Aunty Disco Project, a band led by my good friend Oba, is having a concert in Karachi at Rangoonwala Hall on August 16 (for information on where to get tickets, click here). Aside from encouraging all of you Karachi readers to go watch them play live, I have an observation to make. Before we get to that, however, allow me to show you Oba's promotional video for the concert:

Uh, alright.

Anyway, aside from making weird promotional videos, Oba and his band happen to be pretty talented. So when I saw this promotional video, I decided to go back to Youtube and watch their video of my favorite song by them, called Sultanat.

When I did so, I was happily humming the tune to myself, before my eyes shifted to the right hand side of the page. I saw a quite curious looking description of the video, and chose to expand it. This is what resulted:

This is the complete description, for those who can't read off the image (which you can click for a bigger view):

Sultanat. A nice song I picked off somewhere.

Wake Up Pakistan. Start supporting your artists.

I dont understand why some motherfuckers are so crazy about bollywood shit? Shit from a nation that has always wanted us dead tore our territor in half using the disunity and squabbling of our bastard ghaddar power hungry leaders and Bhutto's half dick family.

Wake Up Pakistanis godamnit. This is your country and you are playing a hand in destroying it if you dont support your nation, your economy, industry and people.

Now, there are a number of issues that come straight to mind, but since it's 2 a.m. and I'm sleepy, I will concentrate on just three.

First, I am willing to bet any amount of money that Oba and ADP have never, ever, EVER received an endorsement quite like this.

Second, I consider myself intimately familiar with most insults and cuss-words -- I'm actually quite proud of my dirty-word vocabulary -- but I have to say, "half dick family" is a new one for me. What does that even mean? Does that mean that the entire family has half a dick between them? Or that each male in the family only has 50% of their natural endowment? Or, alternatively, that everyone in the family -- women included -- have half penises, as the family decided to share its quota of male genitalia equitably between all its members (no pun intended)?

Third, the person in charge of this delightful exhortation to support ADP and others like them has a very interesting Youtube profile. He is not actually that nutty, it's just that he has an interesting way of expressing himself. And some interesting historical theories. For instance, the first thing we are told when we click on their page is that
This is a Pakistani Nationalist Channel and one of the worst of its Kind. We are called supremacists in our circles and we believe that only Pakistani Nationalism can save Pakistan.

Which is sort of redundant when you consider that the background image to the page is a tiled set of pictures of a Ghauri missile test. We are also told that
Though I cannot talk of all of us but I believe it is the responsibility of every Pakistani to fix the issues that exist within our society. We have to remember that Pakistan is everything. Without Pakistan we have nothing. No identity, no path and absolutely no direction.

Which may not be completely true but also isn't complete nonsense when you think about it. The ADP fan gives us yet more advice when he says:
The current situation where disloyalty and being traitors seems to be the norm it is the duty of every citizen to correct the wrongs perpetuated by the corrupt government and our leaders, bought off terrorist bastards and criminals who steal for the leaders. We must eliminate corrupt animals and slay talibani dogs and criminals.

And as for the slaying talibani dogs and criminals bit, our ADP fan seems to practice what he preaches with this remarkable nugget:
Oh yes and i enjoy killing taliban and terrorists. I shot terrorist dead 2 bastards in Mingora, Swat like dogs. One of them begged me to spare him but i delivered my kalashnikov right in his brain for burning our schools. This is what Talibani traitors taking orders from Indian RAW and CIA deserve.

You will all die. You bastards and faggots. On top of corrupt governance we had to be gifted with brainless tribals.

Now, the homophobic comments were sort of needless, but you can't accuse this fellow of lacking passion, that's for sure. He also has a word for those who cling to religion tightly in this country of ours:
Another thing about me is I dont follow any religion. I am an athiest and strongly against Islam in Pakistan and it is only because of taliban and terrorists that it is so. There purpose was to drive away the people of Pakistan from Islam and they have been successful. I am so sick of the problems this Islam has caused for Pakistan that I am done with it. Congratulations terrorists!

You have to love the sarcasm, you really do. That "congratulations, terrorists!" line sounds eerily like something I would say (though, as you may have noted, I would have used the correct punctuation).

The final note (and it's actually called "Final Note" on his page) is as follows:
A day will come when every terrorist criminal and corrupt bastard will have to pay a very heavy price for betraying Pakistan. We want an absolute end to poverty in Pakistan. We want Pakistan to be the country that it deserves because in 47 we gave our lives for it. Pakistan deserves more from us.

Wake Up Oh Pakistan! Stop supporting the economy of foreign lands and raise the flag of your nation high. Eliminate corruption and crime and start supporting your industries and economy. We are betraying our country by listening to Indian music and watching their movies. Pakistanis must be more patriotic and must stop the nonsense that has been going on for 60 years and demand their right. South Korea got freedom at the time we got it and it was in much worse situation. In fact the Korean war left it devastated. But a government that wanted to develop the country changed that. A people who were strong willed and supported their own economy industry and people made the dream come true. We on the other hand dont even want to accept our basic right which is the right to love our nation beyond everything else and hold it higher than everything else.

All I can say to those corrupt criminal bastards and the terrorists is they are waiting for a genocide. They will suffer for betraying Pakistan. That is certain!

Now, tell me this, readers. Aren't you glad I surf the internet as much as I do? Aren't you happy I find stuff like this for you? Seriously, what would you do without me?


zeyd said...

Another candidate for spliff sharing, I assume...

Zh. said...

srsly dude. that was really funny for 6am. thanks!

Annie said...

*high fives all around*

This is the best last-5-minutes-before-the-day-ends I spent at work, ever!

Anonymous said...

I do not know what I would do without you. But bring Bubs back.

Raza said...

What a baller. Indian music sucks.

Butters said...

Life would be much poorer without Five Rupees...

And I don't mean in the sense that it would be five rupees poorer :P.

Ahsan said...


To the contrary, I think this person should be kept away from substances as much as humanly possible.

Salman Latif said...

Now that's some crazy stuff there.
Amusing, nevertheless. Very :D

Ali K. said...

I like the Juice wala promo the best. Its on their Facebook page.

adeel said...

>Seriously, what would you do without me?
Live in peace :-)

Omar said...

oi! Thanks for the shout-out! me and the rest of the aunties really appreciate it...I honestly had no idea who this fan dude was, and now I am flattered/terrified.

PS: The half dick comment = new level of awesome.

foolsparadise said...

1 more very well deserving, potential ADP member--