Friday, October 23, 2009

The Good News Is That No One Died In Today's Earthquake. The Bad News Is That Imran Farhat Is Back.

As our erstwhile captain might say, furst aaf aall, thanks be to God. Seriously, it's been a long time since Pakistan caught a break, but it appears that today's earthquake resulted in no loss of human life. A bit surprising, given it was a fairly strong one, but there you go.

On the other hand, this idiot is back.


I suppose one absolutely shit opener called Imran isn't enough for our selectors. So I can definitely see the logic in recalling him. But not only have they recalled this idiot, but they've recalled him for all three formats for the tour against NZ. Unbelievable.

Of course, we know why this has actually happened. You know, don't you? If you don't, let me jog your memory. This was the announcement on Cricinfo on the new selection committee being formed during the summer:
Former Pakistan spinner Iqbal Qasim has been appointed chairman of a new, restructured national selection commitee. Former Test cricketers Saleem Jaffer, Ijaz Ahmed, Azhar Khan and Mohammad Ilyas have also been appointed members.

Read that last name again. Ring a bell? He's Imran's father in law, who once lost his shit at the late Bob Woolmer in public, and claimed that the former coach was out to destroy Pakistan cricket (because his idiot son-in-law hadn't been selected). A couple of years later, he went after the then selection committee (because his idiot son-in-law hadn't been selected).

Well, guess what. Now that he's a member of the selection committee, his idiot son-in-law has been selected. What a fucking coincidence.

How bad is this? Honestly, I think it's worse than the PPP's nepotism vis-a-vis giving Bilawal the party. Why? Let me give you three reasons:

1. Bilawal can't do any damage right now, only in twenty years when he's standing for elections. Imran Farhat will screw our chances against NZ in the present.

2. We don't expect anything from our government and politicians, so it doesn't matter if they suck. But we actually have hope for our cricket team. Ergo, when they disappoint, it hurts more.

3. Bilawal's ascension to power will, in a way, be kind of funny in a tragicomic sense (in this respect, he actually resembles Imran Nazir, whose batting is always good for a few laughs). Imran Farhat opening will not be funny at all. It will be torture. His failings are more visceral and less amusing than anyone else's.

Anyway, I'm also pissed that I'm going to have to come with an epithet for Farhat for my liveblogging, since "Crazy Imran" is already taken by his namesake Nazir. I think "Really Fucking Stupid Imran" will have to do, though it'll be hard to keep typing that when he's batting. Fortunately, I can rest secure in the knowledge that I won't have to type long.

Photo credit: Cricinfo.

9 comments:

F-Machine said...

hahahahha funny guy!

Anonymous said...

Haha..am sitting in this boring meeting and was reading your blog..you actually made me chuckle out loud..thank you for your rant..you made this meeting slightly more bearable!

Ali K. said...

I couldn't believe why they would want to select Imran Farahat for all three squads. Now it makes sense.

And Yasir Arafat for the test squad? Does that make any sense?

zeyd said...

Yeah, good research, it's all there plain to see.

I dunno man, I'm really depressed about this. I was sooooo looking forward to 6 tests on the trot, but now, I dunno.

I really, really hate Farhat. Not just for sucking, or running to the ICL (despite getting a B contract) because he wasn't ASSURED of first team selection, or his terrible slip catching, or his fucking cancer of a father-in-law, or his fucking smirk, or the fact that he's in every squad, or the fact that he doesn't deserve it, or the....I dunno man.

Surely Younis won't play him, right?

Raza said...

Keep in mind also that M. Ilyas probably had his daughter marry this dip shit.

Screw the balloon kid, I wanna see a reality TV show about THIS family.

Chai said...

One can at least take solace that we pakistanis *are* consistent in one aspect, our dedication to furthering the goals of nepotism, whether it be politics or cricket!

Ahsan said...

Anon444:

Do you really need to be at that meeting if you can get away with reading a blog? Something to consider for your boss.

Zeyd:

Well, I think the fact that the T20s and ODIs are before the tests will work in the anti-Farhat camp's favor. If he doesn't make runs, I don't see him getting a game in the tests, especially since they're IN New Zealand. But you never know.

Raza:

M. Ilyas genuinely sounds like he's unhinged. I don't know how he landed a real job. Though I suppose being a PCB selector is hardly a real job.

XYZ said...

Hilarious Ahsan, truly! :)

R Malik said...

Imran Farhat is a wanker. And he has man-boobs.

But the thing about him that really pisses me off is that Sir Geoffrey Boycott once spoke quite highly of him (like way back before he got into the team) and he can play some nice shots but hes a wasteful tosser.